Little Girls
by Silent Rush
Summary: What would you do if the one you loved most of all left you alone with a child to raise? This is challenge Spike faces as he tried to find out what happened to Buffy. All scoobies and fang gang included. Alternative Universe, but normal characters.
1. Emails

Author's Note: Lately, I've been reading a lot of fanfics about Spike and kids, it intrigues me, the idea of Spike as a father figure. I came up with this idea and it's been rolling ever since. Further into the storyline, you might see some similarities to "Charmed", but be warned, this is not a cross over. This is more of an alternative universe. Enjoy…and please review. J

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Spike unlocked the door to his small apartment and trudged inside. He flipped it closed and shrugged off his black duster. The weary vampire fell into a chair set before a small desk. He clicked on the laptop that sat in front of him.

As the device hummed to life, Spike rubbed his aching eyes. It had been a long night of fight evil and searching…searching for his love.

Buffy had gone missing almost six months ago. He had walked over to the house she shared with Willow, Oz, and Dawn in the early evening and found it empty. That was natural on the part of the others, but not Buffy. She had called him early and asked him to come over that night, saying she needed to talk to him.

Spike had immediately searched the whole house and called all her friends, but no one had any idea. The search widened and spread over the next few months as all the scoobies, the police and even the Fang Gang got involved.

Spike was shaken out of his trance when the little icon flashed on his screen, indicating that he had mail. He moved his fingers over the touch-pad and clicked on the icon. A message from one of his contacts in New York popped up.

To: Something of Interest

Spike,

I was doing a weekly check of the hospitals in the areas you indicated and I found something. I can't tell you what it is now. I don't want to get your hopes up. Come to New York. Meet me at Lady of Christ Hospital in two days.

Reaper.

Spike let out the breath of hope – that he didn't need – as he finished reading the short email. He looked at his watch. He could be out of Los Angeles in twenty minutes and on the earliest flight to New York if he wanted.

But did he want to?

Hell Yes!

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"Spike." A short brunette barrelled over to him and hugged him as hard as she could. Emmaline Reaper grinned like the Cheshire cat as she looked at her old friend.

"Hey Em." Spike tried to smile for the little witch, but found he couldn't. Not that he was surprised. Ever since Buffy had disappeared, he had lost the will. "You look good."

"You don't. Emma pulled Spike down the starch white halls of the hospital. "I saw you what a couple of years ago…you looked great then…full of un-life."

"Times have changed." Spike sighed and thought of the woman she loved. After he had gotten his soul, the two hard started over. Of course their had been an apocalypse in between and the group had shut down the hell mouth an moved to LA, but still…

"Hopefully they will again and for the better." Emma stopped and Spike looked around at his surroundings. "Welcome to the Nursery."

"What the…?" Spike stopped talking as Emma took a deep breath and turned his head to look in the glass separating him and the babies sleeping in the nursery. His eyes fell on a little baby wrapped in a white blanket. He noticed the nametag on the end of the crib…Summers.

"I know." Emma rubbed his back, seeing his astonished gaze. "It's a lot to handle. I talked to the nurses earlier. A woman came in escorted by a man in all black. She was in heavy labour and they admitted her without questions. As soon as the baby was delivered the man scooped the woman up and ran out. The tried to go after her, but a heavy earthquake shook the hospital. The only thing the man told the nurses was that the baby had to go home with a man named William.

"When the nurses asked how they would know if it was the right man, the woman spoke and said that he would come disguised as the night but shining like the morning sun."

"That's me, then?" Spike tore his gaze away from the little girl and looked at Emma. "She's mine."

"That was my guess." Emma pulled him into the nursery and up to the crib. When the head nurse went to stop them, she halted as she saw Spike. The woman smiled warmly and picked up the little bundle. She handed the baby to Spike who looked a little uneasy as he held her.

"You must be the little one's father." The nurse smiled and pulled a white envelope out of her pocket. This was left. I don't suppose your name is Spike?"

He looked up from the sleeping baby and blinked back the tears that had risen. He silently thanked the nurse as she handed him the note and walked away. Spike gazed down as the little thing in his arms wiggled and stretched her little arms. She yawned and blinked open her eyes. Spike was shocked, mirror images of his ice blue eyes stared back up at him. The baby seemed content at the sight of him and snuggled up to him.

"Cor', This is insane." Spike looked up at Emma and handed her the note. "Can you read it for me? I don't want to put her down."

"Sure." Emma's voice was soft with compassion as she took the note and unfolded it.

"Spike

I know the last six months have been hell for you. They have been more so for me. That night when you found me gone, I was going to tell you I was pregnant. Just before you were supposed to arrive, someone came to see me. They alerted me of something I couldn't ignore. I am sorry Spike, what I did was cruel and horrible. What I have done now is worse. I have left our baby, our precious little girl, without her mother. She has you, which is very important, but I have deprived both of you. I can't come back Spike, as much as I want to, because by the time you receive this letter, I will be dead. I love you and our child more than you could possible imagine. I will miss you very much. Take care of each other.

Love Buffy."

"No!" Spike fell into the chair behind him, holding his little girl tighter. "She can't be gone, not like this, not again." Tears fell from the vampire's eyes. The little girl in his arms woke up and began to wail.

Emma dropped to her knees in front of him and put an arm around his shoulders, making him look up at her.

"Spike, I know this is hard. But you have to do the right thing. This baby needs you. You have to be strong. Buffy had faith in you, where ever she is, she still does."

Spike let his gaze fall upon the crying infant in his arms. He hugged her close and kissed her forehead.

"Don't Cry, lil'bit. Your Da's here." Spike smiled for the first time in months as the little girl in his arms sniffed and stopped crying. He turned to the nurse who was folding towels a ways away. "Does she have a name?"

"Not yet." The nurse smiled and walked over. "Do you have one in mind?"

Spike turned back to the little girl. His smile widened as she looked back up at him with bright, wide eyes.

"Hello, my little Hope." Spike promised himself there and then, this little girl would always come first.

TBC…if I get reviews…..?


	2. Surprise Party

Author's Note: Thanks for all the great reviews. I appriciate it all very much. These next couple of chapters are gonna be based on reveals and on getting to the deeper plot. Hope you enjoy. Please Review. Thanks.

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"Daddy?" A little girl with dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes hopped down the stairs in the Hyperion Hotel. With her petit figure and sparkling smile, Hope Summers was a beauty at age five.

"Over here, bit." Spike smiled warmly at his daughter and scooped her up in his arms. "Ready to go to Aunt Willow and Uncle Oz's house?"

"Yes." The little girl was dressed in a little green sundress and her hair in pigtails. Today was the birthday party of her aunt and uncle's twins, Molly and Mathias. They were turning five. "Is Auntie Dawn gonna be there. She's been at school too long."

Spike almost laughed at the pleading look in Hope's eyes. "Yeah, Dawnie's gonna be there. I talked to her last night and she can't wait to see you."

"Yay!" Hope hopped down and ran to her Uncle Wesley and Aunt Fred as they walked down the stairs. She proceeded to talk their ears off.

It had been five years since Spike had brought Hope home from New York. The news had hit everybody hard, but Dawn the hardest. She finished high school early and earned a scholarship to Oxford. Everyone had been proud, but sad to see her go. Giles had eased some of their fears by offering to go with her and let her live with him in London.

It had been five years since light had burst into Spike's life in the form of one little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. Hope had been just what Spike and the other scoobies had needed to finally move on and be happy. His thoughts drifted to one day a couple of weeks after he had first brought Hope home.

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"Bloody Hell!"

"Don't swear in front of the baby." Dawn couldn't help but giggle as she walked into Hope's nursery in the house she and Spike shared with Willow and Oz. Spike was changing Hope's diaper and looking like he wanted to cut off his nose.

Dawn couldn't believe how well Spike had taken to being a father. It was as if the paternal instinct had always been there. Just hidden behind the blood and cocky attitude.

"I know." Sighed Spike as he cleaned his little girl up. Hope gurgled up at her father, her baby blues shining with delight. "How's daddy's little girl today?" Spike button her jumper and picked Hope up.

"Buffy would be proud."

Spike looked over Hope's head at Dawn. The teenager's eyes were shining with tears.

"I hope so. I try. I know Buffy would be doing ten times a better job if she were here. But she's not, instead I have this little bundle." Spike grinned down at Hope as he rocked her. "Looking back, even now, it's hard to imagine life without her. Hope has changed me."

"I know." Dawn ran her hand over Hope's soft baby hair. "She's changed everyone. Angel and Cordy have finally gotten together, Xander met someone new, Gunn found a honest he loves."

"Spike! Dawn!" The two's moment was interrupted as Willow came running into the room. "Good you're both here." The red head was out of breath her cheeks were glowing.

"What is it, Red?" Spike smiled at the young woman. Hope gurgled as Willow kissed her forehead. "Yeah, bit. That's your Auntie Red."

"I've got big news." Willow took a few deep breaths. "Guess what?"

"You're pregnant." Spike laughed at Willow's face as he put Hope down in her crib. He tucked a light blanket around her small form and kissed her forehead. "Sweet dreams, lil'bit."

Spike ushered a pouting Willow and a giggling Dawn out of the nursery and down into the kitchen. He leaned against the island and watched Dawn prepare tea for the three of them.

"How'd you guess?" Whined Willow. She sat down next to Spike in a huff.

"You're glowing more than usual. Expectant mothers always have a different smell."

"Did Buffy?" Dawn looked up from the kettle.

"Not sure." Spike silently thanked the ex-slayer's little sister as she passed him a mug full of tea. Some special blend Oz had brought back from Tibet. "I guess I wasn't really paying attention, thought never occurred."

"It's okay." Willow put a hand on Spike's arm, comforting him. "She wanted to tell you. She was so excited."

"I just don't get why she waited three months." Spike sighed and looked up at the two women in front of him. He had so many questions but the only person who could give him the answers he needed was gone.

"Well, congratulations on the pregnancy Willow." Dawn hugged her old friend.

"Thanks Dawnie." Willow grinned. She let go of Dawn and turned to Spike.

"You'll make a great mother, Red." Spike hugged the small witch. "If the way you are around Hope is any indication, you'll be amazing."

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"Spike."

"Angel."

Angel walked up to the platinum haired vampire and handed him a beer. The two sat beside each other on a picnic table in Willow and Oz's backyard. Hope, Mathias, Molly and the other second-generation Scooby children chased each other around the yard. As shrieks and shouts of glee permeated the air, laughter and chatter of the Scooby and fang gang, now all part of Angel Investigations and the New Council filled the air as well.

Angel glanced out of the side of his eyes, studying Spike. Fatherhood seemed to have taken a toll on him. Even though Spike would remain the same forever, he seemed changed.

"Who would have ever thought back when we were massacring whole villages, that we'd be fathers someday." Spike turned to Angel and smirked. "How does Connor like being a big brother?"

"He loves it." Angel chuckled. "He takes Annie out all the time. She adores him, I swear she's in love with her brother."

"Yesterday Hope asked me if she could have a little brother." Spike's face had a smile on it, but his eyes were filled with sadness.

"What's you tell her." Angel sipped his beer and let his eyes settle on Cordy. She was holding their two year-old daughter, Anne. She was laughing at something Fred had said. God, he loved her.

"I was speechless. Luckily Lorne walked in and Hope ran over to show him a picture she had drawn him."

"How often does she ask about Buffy?"

"All the time. I tell her what I can. Bedtime has turned into story time. Every night she wants a different story about her mother. She eats them up. Hope loves her mother."

"What does she know about how she died?"

"What we know…or close enough." Spike put down his beer. Hope stopped running and turned to look for him over the heads of the other children. Her face lit up as she spotted Spike. Hope waved frantically and then ran back to the other children. "I told her Buffy died giving birth to her."

"What do you think really happened?" Angel picked a stray fibre off his sweater and turned to look at Spike. They had both loved the same woman, only Angel had moved on because he could never give Buffy the life she deserved…Spike could, and did.

Though, the odds had changed after the final battle in LA. The powers had changed Angel into a human and offered Spike the same. Spike had admitted he liked himself as a vamp, so instead the powers gave him the Gem of Amarra.

"I ask myself that question everyday." Spike let his eyes drift to the rest of the gang who sat across the yard on the patio, eating and laughing. His eyes caught on a tall brunette and an old Englishman in a leather coat. "They made it."

Angel looked up and smiled. Dawn and Giles made their way into the backyard and began greeting their friends. While Angel got up to go and greet them, Spike stayed behind, waiting. After a few moments, Dawn walked over to him.

"Hey, Niblet." Spike stood up and hugged Dawn. They embraced tightly. A rush of memories flooded back to both of them as they hugged. Finally letting go they sat down beside each other. "It's good to see you."

"It's really good to see you, Spike." Dawn took a deep breath in. "I need to talk to you."

"Is something wrong?" Spike's face turned anxious. "Did something happen in London?"

"Spike, I…"

"Auntie Dawnie!" Hope came running across the yard having spotted her aunt. She flung herself into Dawn's arms and grinned. "I've missed you!"

"I missed you too, Hopie." Dawn hugged her little niece and settled her on her knee. "You're getting so big. Last time I saw you, you were as small as a bug."

"I was not." Hope playfully slapped Dawn's hands as they tickled her. "Auntie Dawn, come with me, I wanna show you something."

Hope mercilessly pulled Dawn away from Spike. Dawn gave him a "I'm not done with you yet" look and followed her niece.

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"Spike." Faith walked into the living room, not surprised to find her old friend sitting on the couch, flipping through an old photo album.

She sat down beside him and lifted it off his lap, looking at the picture that had captivated his attention. Not surprised at the face looking back up at her, Faith sighed. She closed the book on Buffy's grinning face and looked at Spike, pity heavy in her eyes.

"I should move on, I know." Spike put down his glass and turned to look at Faith. "Hope needs a real mother, not some figment of one that I keep holding on too."

"We understand, Spike." Faith put an arm around his shoulders. "Remember, you weren't the only one that lost B."

"Hey!" The two looked up as Dawn came into the room. She hugged herself nervously and smiled the best she could. "Faith, would you mind if I spoke with Spike alone?"

"Sure, Dawnie." Faith hugged Spike. "I'll be outside, find me later."

"Okay." Spike watched the old slayer go and turned to Dawn. He was surprised to see her eyes rimming with tears. "Hey now, Nibblit, don't cry. What's the matter?"

"Oh, Spike." Dawn hugged his middle and smiled into his chest. "These are happy tears. I…I think I found something in England."

"What do you mean?" Spike drew back from Dawn. A dark frown took hold of his face. The two had gone through this before and Spike was always left heart broken.

"This is for real, Spike." Dawn looked up at his with shining eyes. "I was doing a patrol with Giles one night and we witnessed something in an alley. Spike, Buffy's alive."


	3. Real Life Illusions

Spike wearily sat up in bed as Hope's cries rang out through the house. It was almost three in the morning. It killed him that he was now a night sleeper. When Hope was born, all daytime sleep time had gone out the window. He had adjusted to fit his little girl.

Spike hurried in the nursery and over to Hope's crib. His little girl was wiggling around, bawling, tears coursing down her tiny cheeks.

"Hey now, bit. Don't fret, your Da's got you." Spike reached in and picked up Hope. He picked up her white fuzzy blanket as well, making sure she was warm. He paced back and forth, rocking her gently. "What's wrong, baby? Did you have a bad dream?"

Hope's cries died down as she snuggled into her father's arms. Spike smiled as she realized the little girl had only wanted to be held. His heart warmed and grew. Each time he thought he couldn't love this little girl any more she surprised him. Spike started to hum a little song his mother used to sing to him.

Hope snuggled farther into his chest and sighed as her eyes started to drift closed. Spike smiled and kissed her forehead. As he raised his head, goose bumps appeared on his arms. Hope wiggled further into the blanket and Spike shivered as the room suddenly grew cold. He looked down and saw Hope's breath as she breath in and out. She started to shiver and Spike's eyes widened. As suddenly as t had dropped, the temperature went back up. This time to normal.

Spike didn't know what to think. Obviously something supernatural had just happened, he would have to ask Willow. He felt a little strange as he went back to set Hope in her crib and decided against it. He held his daughter closer and walked across the hall to his room. He laid down in bed and settled Hope on his stomach. Strangely, he fell asleep quickly, as if someone had shut his eyes. His mind quickly slipped to thoughts of Buffy, Hope and himself, living as a family.

When Spike had woken up the next morning, he had smiled at the sight of Hope. He walked her into her nursery and stop dead in his tracks as his eyes scanned the room. It had been ripped to shreds. Her things were scattered around the room, clothes thrown about, books flung off the shelf, and her tiny mattress had been slashed.

Hope had woken up and started to wail, as of she knew something was wrong. Willow, Oz and Dawn came running up the stairs and also froze at the sight of Hope's room. During the night, a demon had come and tried to kidnap and kill Hope, only she hadn't been there.

Spike had almost fainted as he realized what had happened. The drop in temperature, it had been a warning. It had left Spike with an uneasy feeling, like he shouldn't leave Hope alone. That was the first sign that convinced Spike, Buffy was Hope's guardian angel. He was convinced it had been her, who had changed the temperature in the room, to warn him.

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"Daddy!" Hope ran into the living room, waking Spike out of his trance. His eyes flickered to Dawn as he picked up Hope and set her on his knees. Dawn had quickly dried her tears, but not soon enough that Hope hadn't noticed. "Auntie Dawn, why are you crying?"

Spike's heart melted at the look of concern on his daughters face. She was such a sweet child, always making sure everyone was okay, thinking about others before herself. Just like her mother…well, Buffy hadn't always. Spike smiled, remembering his lover.

"Do you want me to tell you a joke?" Hope's face brightened. "Cause Unky Xander just told me one about a priest, a rabbi and a nun…merph!" Hope turned and glared at her father, pulling at the hand he had put over her mouth.

"If your uncle Xander ever tells you any jokes that include any of those characters again, you kick him in the shins."

"Spike!" Scolded Dawn, but he just kept on grinning as she did her best to hide her own grin.

"But, Daddy, that would hurt him." Hope looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and he sighed. She smiled as she realised her victory and turned back to Dawn. "Why were you crying?"

Dawn smiled. Her niece was smart. She never forgot anything and one had to be careful what they said around her as she could repeat it at any time.

"Your daddy and I were just having a little chat about your mommy." Dawn noticed that Hope lit up like a beacon at the mention of her mother. Even though she had never met Buffy, Hope loved her mother with all her heart.

"Sometimes that makes me sad too, but then I remember all the good stuff about mommy." Hope smiled brightly. "Last night, Daddy told me about the time mommy beat a big, evil, meany vampire into a big blood-ful pulp when she was really really really tired."

Dawn looked up at Spike who just shrugged sheepishly and said, "Can't help it if the little 'un likes to hear about her mum."

"You might keep the stories PG." Suggested Dawn. She just giggled as Spike began to tickle Hope. The five year old's giggles mixed with Dawn's and Molly and Mathias charged into the room to find out what they were missing. After all, it was their birthday and shouldn't they have all the fun everybody else was getting too?

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Later that night, Spike stood on the roof of the Hyperion, considering what Dawn had told him. Truthfully, he didn't believe it. It had been the same thing too many times. To many wrong guesses and Spike was beginning to fail. No he was done. He thought of his little Hope, tucked up warm down in her room. She was excited because tomorrow her Auntie Dawn was going to take her to the Zoo. It had taken almost an extra hour to get her to go to bed, and an extra special story about Buffy.

Tonight Spike had told her about the time Buffy had worked with the Scoobies to take down the Initiative. Hope loved the stories where something crazy happened, like the scoobies mixing their essences with her mother's.

"Spike."

The vampire jerked around. Someone, something had called his name. It was more like a whisper in his ear, but it was still powerful enough to make him shiver. He sighed, knowing what was coming. After the especially hard days, his mind would play tricks on him. He would hear her voice, feel her touch, see her just in front of him. Spike knew that it was getting old, now five years into the game, but he couldn't stop it.

Spike needed the comfort the illusion provided him. It didn't give him hope that she could one day come back, no. It just helped along the line to getting something close to closure.

" 'Ello, pet." Spike took one last suck of smoke and threw his cigarette on the group, rubbing it out with his boot.

"You look bad." Buffy's face was lit up in a silly grin. Spike knew this wasn't how she normally was. Before the final battle, she had always been plagued with worry and sadness. He supposed he saw her like this, because when he had seen her like this, happy, this was one of the times he loved her the most.

"Thanks." Spike leaned against the small stone casing that led back inside. "Been a while since I've seen you. Got some other crazy people to bother?"

"Didn't know I was such a burden." Spike swore he saw pain flicker through her emerald eyes, but it flew out again too quickly.

"You gotta admit, pet, a vampire that talks with his dead lover every night can't be good. It's not fair to Hope, she's missing part of her Da. Part of him still belongs to something he can never have."

"I didn't ask to die." He watched calmly as Buffy heated up and began to pace. "We've had this chat before. You think I wanted to leave you, leave our child."

"Dunno, pet." Spike played with his Zippo, gently flicking it open and closed. "You always did have a death wish."

"Now who's being unfair?" Buffy stopped pacing and crossed her arms, glaring at Spike. The patented Buffy pose.

"Well then, I guess we need to establish that life isn't fair." Spike scowled and looked up at the stars. "I don't want you coming around any more. It's no good."

"You don't want me?" Buffy's tough exterior faltered.

Spike's eyes softened, even though he knew what game she was playing. "I'll always want you, pet, but I can't have you, not like this. I can never have you the way I want and need. The way Hope needs you."

"What if I could change that?" Buffy's eyebrow lifted slightly.

"What are you…?" Spike moved toward her, curious, but Buffy never got a chance to answer. The door to the roof banged open and Hope hurled out, catching Spike's attention. When he turned back to look at Buffy, she was gone.

"Daddy!" Hope ran over to Spike, her little bare feet slapping on the cold cement. Spike bent down and scooped her up, wrapping his duster around them both in the cool night air.

"Hey, Lil bit. Shouldn't you be in bed?" Spike pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and smoothed out her nightgown.

"I missed you." Hope looked up at her father with big eyes and kissed his cheek. When she pulled away, she added. "And I wanted a cookie."

Spike couldn't help but laugh. He started back towards the door and looked at his daughter at the same time, taking in her glowing face.

"How about some warm milk, huh? Too late for cookies." He walked her down the staircase and loosed his hold on the jacket as they arrived back in the hallways of the hotel.

"Please." Pleaded Hope. "I was talking to mommy earlier and she always says little girls should always eat cookies because it keeps them sweet."

Spike froze. Hope squirmed at little as he stopped moving and stared at her. He couldn't believe his ears. Hope talked to Buffy as well. Maybe she wasn't his mind playing tricks on him…

"Hope?" He asked, his tone serious and low. "How long have you been talking to your mother?"

"Forever." Hope grinned and spread her arms out wide, indicating what she had said. "She usually comes at bedtime after you tuck me in. Sometimes she comes early and listens to the stories you tell. She says that you should write an book about all her adventures since you know them all so well."

"You don't say." Spike started walking again. Only half listening as Hope rattled off about all the different kinds of cookies she liked. Could Dawn have been right? Could Buffy be alive? How?

TBC


	4. The Smoke Curls

The smoke of Spike's cigarette spiralled and twisted through the air. The vampire once again sat atop the roof of the Hyperion. This time he sat on the edge of the building, watching the world below. A young couple caught his attention as they walked down the sunny street. The wife was pushing a stroller while the husband was carrying a little girl on his shoulders. Giggles and pieces of happy talk floated up to Spike's ears. He sighed and felt the familiar pang of remorse deep in his chest.

"Spike?"

The blonde vampire turned and raised his hand, making it possible to see the person walking towards him in the blinding sunlight. Almost six years after getting the Gem of Amarra back, and he still wasn't used to the harsh light he had hid from for so long.

"Hello, Rupes."

Rupert Giles, dressed smartly in black trousers, a deep blue dress shirt and a brown leather jacket, sat leaning next to Spike. While the vampire got a good view of his profile, the old watcher kept his view back to the door leading into the hotel.

Spike examined Giles. It had been almost a year since he had last seen him. Giles looked tired, more tired than usual. Though he supposed that was what one got for inviting a young woman to live with him year round. After Buffy had disappeared and pronounced dead, the old man had taken a turn for the worse. He had taken up his old drinking habits and fell into a routine of avoiding everything and everybody.

It had only been when Spike had brought Hope home, did Giles heal. He took the little girl as well as could be. Spike had asked him to act as Godfather, knowing it was something their slayer would have wanted. It was only after Dawn received the letter from Oxford did Giles contemplate moving back to England. He used the same old stuffy excuses, but they all knew Buffy's third death had taken more of a toll on him then he would allow shown.

"I won't ruin the respectable relationship we have managed to build over the years by trying to initiate small talk." A small smile pulled at the edges of Giles' mouth. Spike felt a smile of his own come up. The only one in the group, beside Angel, who was close enough to his own age, Giles had become a good friend whenever Spike needed to talk or drink.

"Good, would have been hurt if you tried."

"Am I right to assume Dawn told you of her…discovery." Giles hesitated on his last word. Spike knew that only second to him, Giles had taken Dawn's hit and miss Buffy sightings the worst.

"She did." Spike nodded and took a long drag off the shrinking cigarette. "She didn't blame me when I didn't believe her. She knows it's gonna take more than a maybe to get me moving these days."

"And rightly so." Giles let his eyes run over the rooftop, taking in the crumbling brick and the tarnished chimneys.

"Though I suppose it might change things if I had my own glimpse." Spike inwardly grinned as Giles whipped his head to face Spike. He knew Giles wouldn't doubt him.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since I got Hope, I've been having what I assumed where hallucinations of Buffy. They started as harmless visions I thought my tortured soul created for me, to comfort and calm me. But they continued. It wasn't just at night anymore, she would come when important things happened.

"I once considered that it might be The First, that it had found a way back some how." Spike stubbed his cigarette out, concentrating on Giles. "But she could touch things, I mean I never really thought about it till last night. Then she made a comment…"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah. She basically insinuated that things could change, that she could come back. Then Hope ran in and she disappeared. I forgot about my little episode until Hope mentioned her. She said that Buffy comes to her too. This morning I had her describe Buffy to me…perfect detail."

"She's seen pictures of her mother." Countered Giles, but Spike could tell he was leaning towards his side.

"Not just the looks. How she talks, her mannerism, her poses. Giles, I'm not saying Buffy didn't die, but…what is she can come back?"

"I suppose it's possible." Giles sat back with a sigh. The information ran through his brain at high speed. Buffy was dead, and yet she could come back to them. "Perhaps she is stuck, a ghost of sorts."

"I thought of that." Spike got up and started to pace. "I don't think that's it though. It's weird, it's like she's been watching over us…like an…"

"Angel?" Supplied Giles. Spike looked up at him in surprise, but before he could say anything, Giles's face jumped to attention. The way it did whenever he used to figure out which monster they were up against. "Of course. Why didn't I think of it before."

Spike watched in confusion as the old watcher jumped up and hurried out of sight into the hotel. Before long he heard Giles calling to him to follow. Grabbing his coat and smokes, Spike hurried back though the hotel.

Spike found Giles in the room he was staying in. The old man was wrenching books out of a suitcase and flipping through them at maximum speeds.

"Giles, what are you…"

"I knew it." Giles stopped flipping and let his finger come to rest in the middle of a page. He brought it over and showed it to Spike.

"Los Guardas Perdidos?" Spike looked at Giles and crossed his arms. "You have got to be kidding me. Those guys are myths."

"No, no they aren't." Giles took a seat at the desk by the window and continued to read. "At least not anymore." He turned back to Spike. "What have you heard about them?"

Spike sighed and leaned against the wall opposite Giles. This couldn't be happening to him. Buffy couldn't be this close and yet that far away.

"Los Guardas Perdidos or The Lost Guardians is a group of souls taken before they go on to their final resting place. Legend has it that a person's soul stays in a kind of limbo, like no man's land before it passes on to the beyond. While the soul is there, either side can nab it. The sides originally being God and the Devil.

"The Lost Guardians are souls that were taken by a third party. The souls are then made whole. The third party then trains the people and gives them a mission. To protect those who have lost them. They become like Angels, given supernatural powers of healing and strength and protection."

"Normally the Guardians do not reveal themselves to those on the mortal plane." Giles stood up and began to pace. "There were accounts of crossing over, such as Buffy insinuated, but it has never been proven."

"But, it can be done?" Spike crossed his arms, watching the Watcher critically. "Can she do it alone, or does she need our help?"

"I have no idea. I suppose you need to speak with her again." Giles looked pained and Spike knew he wanted to speak with Buffy as well. Under any other circumstances, Spike would have gladly offered, but two things stopped him.

One, he was scared that a new entity into the group may scare Buffy away. Besides that, he hated to admit that he was a little selfish. He really wanted Buffy all to himself. He just kept reminding himself that if she could come back, everyone else would be able to see Buffy.

"I'll do it while she visits Hope tonight, have to make sure I don't scare her off."

"Spike…"

The vampire turned to look at the Ex-Watcher. Giles looked tired but there was something else. Something Spike had never really thought about when he and Giles were put in the same sentence.

"Are you worried about me, watcher?" Spike grinned wickedly and looped his thumbs through his belt and laughed. "The day has finally come."

Giles had enough tack to smile good-humouredly. "Spike, we have become friends, that is a fact neither you nor I can deny."

"Not for a lack of trying." Spike smirked, but he understood what Giles was trying to tell him.

"You and Hope, you're both important to me…"

"I know." Spike walked over to Giles and put his hand on the man's shoulder. "We're you're last link to Buffy…"

Spike watched as Giles ducked his head and nodded. Thinking about it as he walked back to his room, Spike realized that he was probably the only person besides Buffy that had ever seen Giles let his guard down. Spike knew it was a grim thought, but he couldn't help but smile at the irony of the situation. The closest he had ever gotten to Buffy's friends, the time when they all trusted him so much, was when she had died.

8888

"So, lil'bit." Spike plunked his daughter down in her bed and pulled the covers up around her. Hope giggled as he sat beside her and kissed her forehead. "What will it be tonight? Which tale shall I tell you?"

Hope looked thoughtful. Spike had a hard time not laughing as her tiny brow furrowed in an attempt to think hard. After a few moments, her face lit up and Spike knew she had chosen from the long book of tales engrained in her memory.

"Daddy." Hope looked up at him with wide innocent eyes. "Connor said today that Mommy once loved Uncle Angel more than anything in the world. He said that they were soul mates. I thought you said Mommy was your soul mate?"

Spike took a deep breath in. Whenever his little princess asked for this particular tale, it became hard for him to speak. This was a subject very close to his heart. It had always been touch, but he supposed the reason for it still being that way, was him. Spike would always be insecure about Buffy's love for him, even though Hope was proof that he shouldn't be.

"Well, Nibblit." Spike smiled at his daughter. Everyday she only got more and more beautiful, just like her mother. "Your mother was never one to do things the natural way. She preferred the hard way enough she would whine about it after." Spike smiled, remembering Buffy's attitude towards slaying in the beginning. "Your Uncle Angel had a…hard life. Your mum was the first person that gave him a purpose. He could work to protect her, to him that gave his life meaning. Of course, following all fairy tales, they fell in love…"

"But mommy loves you." Hope looked up with shinning eyes.

"I know." Spike almost laughed. His little girl was as loyal as they get. "Do you remember what I told you about fairy tales?"

"That they don't always end happy?"

"Exactly. Things didn't go well for Mommy and Angel. Uncle Angel was cursed and that meant the two could never be together like they needed. It was hard for you mum, because he was the first man she ever loved. See lil'bit, for me, falling in love with your mum was the easy part. Loving her after that could be a challenge. Your mum was special because she didn't just have one soul mate, no she had many different ones. There's me, Uncle Angel, Aunt Willow, Uncle Xander and Giles. We're all her soul mates in different ways."

"So…" Hope considered this. She put her finger on her chin, tapping it, like she had seen her Aunt Anya do so many times before. "Your soul mate doesn't need to be the one you're married too?"

"No, of course not." Spike smiled at Hope. She was good at connecting the dots, though he wasn't sure if she would really understand what he had told her until she was older. "Hope, give your Da a kiss and go to sleep alright?"

"Ok, daddy." Hope wrapped her arms around Spike's neck and then planted a kiss on his face. He smiled and tucked the cover over her, making sure to put her teddy bear in her arms. "I love you."

"Love you too, Nibblit. Sweet Dreams." Spike kissed Hope's forehead and turned off the lights. Only leaving the glow of the light from the next room shinning through the crack of the door as he left her to sleep.

As Spike turned and went to grab his smokes, he noticed the light in his own bedroom was on. Curious, he let his vampire senses seep into his guise as he slowly pushed open the door. His mouth formed a small "o" as he saw a petit figure curled up on his bed.

He was almost afraid to touch her as he sat down on the end of the bed. He was so afraid that she might vanish as soon as his finger touched her face, that for a few moments they just hovered over her cheek in a ghost caress.

"You have been given a gift."

Spike whipped around to find a short demon dressed in the oddest clothes and a hat leaning against the doorframe. His trousers were lime green with stripes of forest green running up and down. He wore a bright purple dress coat over a white shirt and a green vest.

"Who are you?" Spike slowly rose off the bed, but unconsciously moved to guard his sleeping beauty.

"Relax." The demon took an apple out of his pocket and crunched into it. "The name's Whistler. I'm like an emissary from the Powers That Be."

"Never really liked those guys."

Whistler laughed and gestured at Buffy lying on the bed. "Well, you're gonna love them in a minute. They were the ones that got her out of the gig that took her life."

"You mean…?" Spike turned to look at Buffy. "She's alive?"

"Yeah." Whistler smiled. "The PTB figured five years was long enough, she didn't deserve to be taken away from you and Hope."

"She's alive." Spike didn't care what the half demon thought of his as tears fell from his eyes.

"I know it's big, but there's a catch." Whistler winced as Spike glared at him. "There was nothing we could do, beyond our control."

"What's the catch?"

"She doesn't remember the past five years. Her last memory is off the night she disappeared, just before she was taken."

"You mean to say that Buffy will still think Hope is in her stomach?" Spike looked back at Buffy. A few strands of hair fell over her face, hiding her nose from him.

"Exactly. You and the others will have to help her, fill in the last five years. You can't tell her what you and the Watcher found today. That's the most important thing. You have to erase any evidence that she was dead…she has to think she was just missing."

"Why?"

"She's already died twice. Don't you think the news that she died, became a wrath of death, missed her daughters first five years of life and left you alone would be a pretty big shocker?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Spike looked back at Buffy. Just seeing her, knowing she was back, brought a huge smile to his face.

"The next few months will be hard, but together you guys can make it a bit easier for everyone." Whistler smiled. "Tell the girl I said hi and I'll see her around."

Spike didn't hear him leave, but he knew Whistler was gone. For the first time in five years, Spike lay down next to Buffy and curled her into his tight embrace. They could deal with this in the morning. For now, he just wanted to hold her.

TBC…


	5. Where I Belong

Buffy woke with the warm sunshine on her face. She kept her eyes closed as she stretched. She tired to move but stopped as she felt a pair of arms around her middle tighten their grip. Buffy opened her eyes and rolled over. Her surprise quickly turned to joy as she recognized Spike's sleeping visage.

Buffy lifted her small hand to caress his sharp cheekbones and angular face. She marvelled at how fragile and peaceful Spike looked as he slept. Buffy felt a strange thought interrupt her happy perusal of Spike's features.

This wasn't where she remembered being. Buffy thought back to the night before. She had called Spike to have him come over. She was going to tell him about the pregnancy…

Buffy's face lit up. She had no idea how she had gotten pregnant…well, okay, she knew, but not how she had when Spike was her only lover. Her only love. Looking back at his face, Buffy wasn't really sure the exactly moment she had fallen so in love with Spike. She knew she had loved him in a different kind of way before they had ever become intimate, there had always been an attraction between them. A connection of sorts. Like Spike used to say, they were two of a kind.

She was snapped out of her thoughts as she noticed Spike starting to stir. Buffy grinned and leaned in, kissing him. Her heart swelled as he responded by deepening the kiss and pushing them so he was on top of her.

"Morning Luv." Spike grinned down at her. When he had first begun to wake, he had been so scared that it had all been a dream. Then he had felt a warm body in his arms, larger than Hope, but just as petit. The kiss had only further assured him that Buffy was really there. No one could ever forget being kissed by the one they loved. It was like a permanent stamp on his mind, engrained there forever.

"Morning." Buffy smiled brightly up at him, but the smile faded as she saw tears building in Spike's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Not getting soft on me are you?" She teased him, the smile returning.

Seeing Buffy glow like a women both in love and with child had brought the world crashing back down on Spike. Buffy still thought she was pregnant. She didn't know anything that had passed in the five years she had been gone.

"Spike." Her voice was laced with worry now. "What's wrong? You're not telling me something."

"You're right…I…" He didn't know how to tell her she had missed the first five years of Hope's life, that she missed Hope's first smile, the first time she walked. He had no idea where to begin.

"Spike." Buffy pushed the two of them up, so they were sitting on the bed. "Tell me what's going on? Did something happen to Willow and Xander? Oh god, Dawn!" Her voice picked up volume and Spike could see the wheels turning in Buffy's mind.

"No, no, luv." He took her hands in his and sighed. "Look, this isn't going to be easy…"

"Stop, you're scaring me." Tears had started to leak down Buffy's face.

"Pet…what's the last thing you remember?"

"I called you…" Buffy sniffled. "To tell you that I was…"

"Pregnant?" Spike finished for her. "Luv, you don't know how much it hurts me to say this…it's been five years since that night."

For a few moments, silence hung in the room like a foreboding shadow. Buffy stared at Spike, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she promptly shut it. Spike's head hurt as he realized the wheels in her brain were spinning extra fast, trying to process what he had told her. He begged whatever Gods really existed, that she didn't try and deny what he had said.

"…How…?" Was what she uttered after several more minutes of silence. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "How could that happen? No, no it can't be true."

"Luv," Spike put his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him. "Would I lie to you about something like this?"

Buffy looked back at him with pained eyes. He could see it in her deep green orbs that she knew in her heart he was telling the truth. He knew she was fighting hard to convince herself he was wrong, because she knew what it meant if he was right.

"No, you wouldn't." Buffy let Spike envelop her with his arms. She sat there frozen as the consequences of what he had said ran through her head. Finally she let it out. All the pain, anger, sadness, hurt and worry that his words has caused her. Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around Spike and sobbed into his chest.

Spike only held her tighter, knowing that this was just the beginning. As he sat there, with his arms wrapped securely and protectively around his lover, his mate, he realized that besides Giles and Hope, none of the other scoobies knew of the possibility of Buffy coming back. Well, except Dawn, but she would take this hard too. Spike had never told her about his supposed hallucinations. Maybe the others had them too, maybe this would be as bad as he thought. The only thing that really mattered…she was back in his arms, where she belonged.

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"Hope?" Dawn knocked on the door that led from the hallway into the little five year-old's room. She pushed it open and couldn't help but laugh at the scene that lay before her.

Hope was skipping and prancing around a chair she had placed in the middle of her room. She held a little pink wand and was waving it around as she moved. Sitting on the chair, trying to look not quite as horrified as Dawn knew he was, was Giles. She saw Hope had succeeded in getting Giles to don a pink and purple princess hat that was held on by a elastic under his chin.

"Didn't know pink was your colour." Giles looked up startled as Dawn walked further into the room. He started to get up, but was stopped as Hope pushed him back down. "Don't worry, I won't tell a soul." Dawn laughed and winked at the old man.

"Thank you, I think." Giles heaved a sigh and sent a wayward glance at Hope, who had resumed her prancing and had begun to sing a song she had clearly composed herself. "I'll have you know I was ambushed by this one. She's quite like her father, able to get people to do things they would never do normally, and all without batting an eyelash."

"Oh, Giles." Dawn sat down on Hope's bed and grinned. "Such a push over."

"Well, you know…" Giles smiled warmly and caught Hope mid-prance, tickling her. "I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Summers' women."

"Auntie Dawn!" Squealed Hope as she wiggled free and ran over to the tall brunette. "Save me from the evil Fyral demon."

"Fyral demon?" Dawn looked at Giles with raised eyebrows. He furrowed his brown and slipped off the hat as he stood.

"Spike saw fit to tell her about the time Ethan Rayne turned me into one. Her father of course had a front row seat during that hellish ordeal."

"Speaking of the devil, where is Spike?" Dawn pulled Hope onto her lap and looked up at Giles. "He looked really drained when I got back from the Zoo with Hope yesterday."

"He and I spent the day researching." Giles brought the chair closer to the bed and smiled grimly. Hope hopped off Dawn's lap and went across the room to her dollhouse where she preceded to ignore the two adults as she played in her imaginary miniature world.

"New big bad?" Dawn looked at Giles, worry marring her pretty face. "Figures, every time we come back to visit, evil comes a knocking."

"Actually no…" Giles hesitated. He wondered if it was the right thing to tell Dawn about what he and Spike had found. She deserved to hear it, he concluded. Ever since Buffy had disappeared, Dawn had never stopped looking for her, refusing Spike's confirmation that she had died. "Dawn, it appears that you were right this time…"

"About what?" Dawn absentmindedly picked up Hope's teddy bear and began smoothing down its fur. "Wait, do you mean the whole thing about whether or not Gangar Demons spit blood instead of saliva? Cause you can tell Xander I am so right about that."

"No, Dawn." Giles' eyes softened. "About Buffy."

Dawn's hands froze on the bear's fur. She didn't look up, but Giles knew that if he could see her eyes, they would be wet with unshed tears.

"How?" Dawn's voice was shaking and Giles was a little surprised by her reaction. Maybe time had taken its toll on the once optimistic girl. Maybe she had stopped putting substance into all her sightings. Maybe the sightings were just things that comforted her, like pretending that Buffy was there.

"Well, it's a lot to go into and frankly I don't think you want to hear the long version." Giles smiled and laughed quietly, remembering all the times the others had expressed utter discomfort when he wanted to explain something to them.

"Try me." Dawn sat up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes. Giles was suddenly aware that he preferred Dawn crying then to the fierce look that now permeated her eyes.

"Well…it would appear that instead of moving on to her final peace, a group called Los Guardas Perdidos or The Lost Guardians…recruited her for their cause. What they do exactly is unknown, but the basic mission is too protect people. To help them in life with that extra little push that keeps them from succumbing to the darkness."

"Buffy is one?"

"As far as we can tell, yes."

"So she's not dead?" As Giles shook his head, Dawn got up and crossed to the windows. She crossed her arms and looked out at the neighbourhood.

Once again wiping tears from her eyes, Dawn looked at Hope. The little girl had nothing during Giles' speech, something that Dawn found strange. Bending down to Hope's level, Dawn found that she didn't know what to say to the little girl. She must have heard what Giles had said, so why did she not have a reaction?

"Don't cry, Auntie Dawn." Hope put down her dolls and looked up at her with big bright eyes. "You do that too much."

"I know, sweetie. I'll try not too." Dawn ran her hand over Hope's hair, smoothing it back.

"Besides, you shouldn't be sad." Hope stood up and clapped her hands. "Mommy's home. Everything will be all right now."

Dawn's head shot up and her eyes widened as she stared at Hope. The child had a gleeful look on her face and she was hopping from one foot to another. Dawn noticed Giles walking slowly over and she moved a little so he could kneel down next to her.

"Hope, did you just say…?"

"Yes, yes, uncle Giles." Hope laughed and jumped up and down. "Mommy's finally home. Now she can read me stories, and take me to the park and take me to school and she can hug me for real…"

Giles almost fell over as he realized what Hope meant. Buffy was alive. Not just in the sense of being a guardian, no. She was here, in the hotel.

"Hope, I think you mean she's not dead." Dawn put her hand on Hope's shoulder and looked at her with sad eyes.

"No, no." Hope stomped her foot. "She's here, she's with Daddy." Both Giles and Dawn were a little taken aback by Hope's insistence. She wasn't one to lie easily, not that she couldn't do it, just she never really need too.

"She's right."

The three looked up to find Spike leaning against the doorway separating Hope's room from the rest of the suite. He had an oddly placid look on his face, though his eyes spoke volumes.

"Daddy!" Hope manoeuvred her way around Giles and Dawn and jumped into her father's arms. Spike hugged her before settling her in his left arm. "Can I go see Momma, now?"

"In a minute, pet." Spike kissed Hope's forehead. "We need to talk with Dawn and Giles for a minute." He turned to the others and wasn't at all surprised by their confused expressions. "The Powers That Be brought her back, said it was my gift."

"So, it's true?" Dawn's eyes filled with tears once again. Giles knew her eyes were going to be extremely puffy when all was said and done.

"Yeah." Spike smiled grimly. "Bit of a catch though. She doesn't remember the past five years. Apparently there's some stuff the Guardians want to keep to themselves."

"You mean she doesn't remember me?" Hope's eyes filled with tears. She looked up at her father with her bottom lip quivering. "But…but…"

"Don't you worry pet." Spike hugged his daughter hard, wishing he hadn't been so stupid with his words. "Your mum knows that she was pregnant with you, in fact that's the most important thing she does remember. She can't wait to meet you."

"Spike…" Giles watched as Hope laid her head on her father's shoulder and sniffled. "This is…"

"Insane?" Spike kissed Hope's forehead and ran his fingers through her hair. "No kidding." Spike switched his gaze to Dawn, who had been silent the whole conversation. "You okay, Nibblit?"

"Um…" Dawn uncrossed her arms and crossed them again. She didn't quite know what to do with her hands. Spike and Giles watched as Dawn's face went through a series of emotions. Sadness, anger, happiness, confusion and back to sadness. "I'm not really sure." She wiped her eyes again and laughed, although the sound was small and cracked. "God, I'm like a dam."

"It's alright, Dawn." Giles moved over and hugged the brunette Summers. "What you're feeling is normal."

"It's just hard to believe, you know." Dawn smiled weakly at the others. "All these years, looking for a crumb, anything to convince myself she could still come back. I had actually considered giving it up too."

"Pet?" Spike cocked his head. "You were always the one who said you'd never give up. You always believed she was still out there, and you were right."

"I know." Dawn's smile was a little more real this time. "But, spending the day with Hope yesterday convinced me I wasn't helping anyone by keeping false hope."

"You actually helped us all." Giles smiled warmly and put his arm around her. "You gave us hope."

"Hey!" They all looked at Hope. She had her hands on her hips and an indignant look on her face. "My mommy and daddy gave me to nobody."

Spike chuckled and hugged his daughter. "Right you are sweets. Dawn was talking about something else."

"Don't worry Hope, we're not giving you up anytime soon." Dawn laughed and kissed her niece.

"Hope?" Spike turned and smiled lightly as he saw Buffy standing tentively in the doorway. Giles and Dawn both gasped behind him and he felt Hope squirming in his arms. "You named her Hope?"

Buffy's eyes were soft and Spike knew she loved the name. Even though she had almost whispered it, the name had been filled with love and care. Spike took a step towards her and put Hope down in between him. The little girl instantly hid behind his legs. He laughed in his head. Of all the times for Hope to get shy.

"Lil'bit, this is your mom. You remember her, don't you?" Spike gave her a little nudge in Buffy's direction and watched as Hope walked towards her.

Buffy bent down till she was kneeling at Hope's level. She smiled warmly and held out her arms, but Spike noticed she did it a little warily. He prayed everything would be okay. It had too be.

Hope stopped just in front of Buffy, almost frozen. After a couple of minutes, Buffy put down her arms. Spike could see the disappointment in her eyes. He watched as Hope cocked her head as he often did when he was examining something. After a moment a grin bloomed over her face and she practically knocked Buffy over as she jumped into her arms.

"Momma." Hope latched on tight and Spike could see Buffy wasn't planning on letting go. Hope started to cry, but Spike knew they were happy tears.

Buffy's whole face lit up as she cradled the little girl to her. She breathed in deep, enjoying the smell of strawberries and flowers that surrounded her daughter. She wanted to cry, she was so happy. It hurt, she admitted to herself, not being able to remember the last five years. But in that moment, she knew that whatever came next would more than make up for what she had missed.

TBC…


End file.
